EPISODE 31 
TRANSCRIPT

0:00:12.6 S1: Welcome to Dear romance writer were three writers will actually, for today, who always deliver happily ever after offer questionable advice for all of your relationships, work and life problems. I'm ropes.

 

0:00:25.3 S2: I'm a very fun

 

0:00:26.8 S1: And I'm CEO Exelon. We have a great show for you today with author JC Lee.

 

0:00:31.5 S2: Who's here with us. It's all about yourself, Jay.

 

0:00:37.8 S1: I keep thinking I'm a brand new author, but it's 2022, so I've been a published author for two years, I write contemporary romance and Ron combs, and my seventh book, a song with secrets, is coming out next Tuesday. Awesome, so it's been quite a roller coaster, debuting during covid and having seven books out now, so... Absolutely, you're saying Next dialysis, by the time this airs, it would have been two days ago, so it's a... Tattoo

 

0:01:24.1 S2: Would also say I just subscribe to Harlan plus. If you guys have not, it's... I've been playing with it. It's really cool. I will tell you that if you are on that, that jour book is one of the bundled options for people to download or to get in print. Yeah, I think it's... What is it? They really go crush seduction.

 

0:01:47.9 S1: I believe that's the one on their...

 

0:01:52.8 S2: Is pretty cool. So if you are a hero subscriber, or if you're like me and just subscribe to everything that says Book... Yeah, you're all good. You do

 

0:02:04.4 S1: All the box subscriptions, like all of the subscriptions are... You

 

0:02:07.8 S2: Know, I actually slowed down on those 'cause the guys were overwhelming, so I have slowed down and let things Peter out, but then I subscribed to a win one. You need it for what you yesterday, it's just one in... Well, this is our episode of 2022, the year that promises to be better, that's how I am going to believe. And really crossing, I came across the best quote in the entire world... Hold on, I'm gonna find it really quick, so I don't know if you guys saw the whole... If you watch session or so on the Jeremy strong interview that he did, that was a little crazy pants.

 

0:03:01.2 S1: I didn't see it, but I saw the Bryan Cox response. Yes.

 

0:03:05.5 S2: The Brian Cox response. And it was hilarious, and so Brian Cox just did an interview and he did it with... It was with deadline. And his quote in here was, I'm too old, too tired and too talented for any of that shit. And that is the energy I'm bringing into 2020, and I hope you are too.

 

0:03:28.6 S1: I'm not getting the context is, I don't know those people or that show, but I love that. So

 

0:03:32.4 S2: My God, the court is amazing, the show is addictive, and it's very loosely based off of a Murdock type family, and its way, this is the one that's the actual rois there. Somebody in their name, Axelrod.

 

0:03:50.1 S1: There's a show that has a character whose last name is across... Its billion, that's billion. I just know that Mr. Darcy is in it.

 

0:03:59.2 S2: To identity, Darcy is punchline, but you still love them. No.

 

0:04:06.9 S1: He's just really dorky, kind of mildly meaty.

 

0:04:15.3 S2: But ateliers, I highly recommend it. I know we're not doing Roxane, but if anybody has HBO on one to watch session, I say, just set aside a couple of weekends 'cause you're gonna dive right in. But we are to talk about 2022. It has been inventing my house in just the first half of the month... Let's see. We had huge snowstorms. We had power outages. We had covid go through the whole house. I stopped being able to taste coffee, it tastes like I grabbed leaves off of the forest for that had been moving for an entire season and stuffed them in my mouth... It was horrible. But that's gone. And now my oldest is going back to college tomorrow, so it's been very eventful or...

 

0:05:12.7 S1: In like two weeks?

 

0:05:14.9 S2: Yeah, pretty much. Thank God for Katie, Robert electric it. Because its so good. So good you guys, it's been very detrimental for me and we like... I'll just read all my coffee brews and then it's like two chapters later, so... Yeah, it's a problem again. How is your 2022 been so far? Especially wrong, 'cause we do

 

0:05:42.1 S1: A thin... I'm so sorry that I missed our first episode of 2022, it was for a super exciting reason though, my sweetie just got gender affirming surgery in New York, which is so exciting, and she's recovering and we're here for about a month to... In New York, just like for her recovery and follow-up stuff, and it's... Yeah, so it's super exciting and very painful for her, but she's such a factor ending Hout. No, it's great, we're here and I'm getting... I'm just doing work, I just turned in edits for my Ron calm, my first ever wrong com that's coming out in September, which is very exciting. And yeah, it's cool, we can't go anywhere or do anything, 'cause we're in the middle of a pandemic, you were... Britomart gonna be with the second leave, you did something really cool that you didn't tell us a Valenti, I saw it on Instagram. And I was like, what year

 

0:06:45.9 S2: Did it attack?

 

0:06:50.2 S1: I didn't mean to not tell anyone, I just forgot I

 

0:06:53.9 S2: Have a different one on a Anton up, you really... Really is a one. Totally didn't think to tell me about it. Yeah, well, anyway, surprised I did a TEDX talk.

 

0:07:05.9 S1: It was a really cool experience, and I'm excited because it's about the overlap of horror and romance, which because I write romance and horror and love romance and horror, I was also... I did my PhD studying math in American literature, and so it was a really cool moment to kind of have a cohesion of what I do now and what I did in academia, and it was super fun. So it is called, or what it's called, the coke thrills and chills, the coherence of her and ran something like that, which is, if you wanna know a secret, super nerdy, only academics, whatever. Get it. Play on the coherence of Gothic conventions, one of the best books ever written about the notice Kasai Sedgwick, who went on to be a pioneer in writing like queer theory and philosophy later in life, and was just a total bad ass. And her book, the coherence of Gothic conventions, sort of inspired the title, and I was like, maybe one person I went to grad school and we'll see this and be like, That's from that book. But yeah, that... So it's on YouTube, you can watch it. I think I've posted the first three minutes of it on tiktok, and it's the first minute on Instagram or whatever, so you can get them in to a girls go.

 

0:08:25.7 S2: What? She was texting me going to Genetics, I'm like, No, sorry. Yeah, it was cool.

 

0:08:35.1 S1: It was, I have to say, I'm not shy in terms of a person in the world, generally, but I was so fucking nervous to get up in front of people and give this talk, and I never read off a tele-prom with her before. I made a PowerPoint once, ever before in my entire life, I had nothing to wear, and since it was covid, I couldn't go shopping or anything, so I'm wearing jeans that I borrowed from Tammy, and I look... Yeah, anyway, but it was a cool experience. I'm glad I did it. It was good to conquer fears, I've heard it builds character or something to my father, so that to me once. So some people say, What about me? I've just been here working, baking... Just working on Instagram. It's delicious. Well, I tried school abroad last week, which was like a Norwegian school bride's like a cardamom bond with custard in it, that they eat at school after lunch or something, but I saw that, yeah, they look really pretty and the flavor was great, but they're a little dry so I think I wanna rewrite the do formula, but yeah, like Mr.

 

0:09:46.8 S1: X, he just all of a sudden is in the band, we just bought a pineapples, trying to prefer his petrol and his country LOA, and so we have all the enhancing a cut you would love it on 'cause... The Entente science of it, yeah. He's into the science of it, so I'm like, Yeah, as long as we have something to do. 'cause I haven't been... I don't think I've left the house in six weeks or something like that.

 

0:10:11.2 S2: Yeah, not going anywhere. In good times.

 

0:10:17.2 S1: But you hangout all you guys... Yeah.

 

0:10:23.0 S2: If I tell my tail too in the last over, one's gonna cry or to be sad or Southside have Romans or Line, it definitely... Yeah.

 

0:10:40.8 S1: I hit us. Definitely Shareef you want to hear, but

 

0:10:46.8 S2: I planned on venting to you guys, I thought we would have time to just bent and then be like, Hi, now we're happy.

 

0:10:54.8 S1: We're like like a bi... Yeah, we just like we're going into is just... Right. Without an...

 

0:11:01.3 S2: Were like that. Okay, so yeah.

 

0:11:05.7 S1: Nothing funny is literally... So my dad was hospitalized and the end of November, four days later, my mom fell down the stairs factor her shoulder... Oh my goodness. And then my sad got into a bicycle accident where he flew off his pikas, land into a tree, sheath... Everything, yes. So in the last two months, all this happened, and with my dad is still ongoing, hoping that he'll recover baby steps and everything, but I felt like life was attacking me, and I just want to strangle 202

 

0:11:52.6 S2: For the way that it's presenting themselves like the constant... Close exposure of your son and your... From all these organizations, and I'm like, Stop it. Going back to 2020 fields, and I'm like, I don't wanna go back there. Yeah. Well, and your body feels that your body feels all of that stress and all of that over wellness and everything else, so... Yeah, but I am just exhausted, guys.

 

0:12:29.6 S1: I was just telling the lovely ladies that I took a shower and I don't remember if I shouldn't put my hair in Leben... My mental state right now, you were not alone at all, so it's like 20, 22, 30 this point. I

 

0:12:54.6 S2: Talk about growing character... No, next to it, the into my strength that I'm still going and only saw an ugly cry every few hours, not all day, so I really have to say reading romance is helping, but writing it is Aimee.

 

0:13:27.2 S1: I couldn't write for about a month, month and a half, but 2022, I'm just like, I have to find a sense of normalcy, I have to find my identity again, where I'm not just the daughter and a mother, so sitting down and writing reminds me that I'm an author. A

 

0:13:54.8 S2: Mind-blowing. But I think it helps me see who I am and like who I am and not feel sorry for myself... Yeah, it gives me strength. So everybody needs romance in your life, but for wellness author, I think creating romance and sharing the and laughter and joy with others is a very healing experience.

 

0:14:30.5 S1: Well said, yes. Well, and I think that's one of the things that made us wanna start this podcast was there was so much going on. And sometimes it's essential to just step outside of the demands of your daily life, whether there are ones that other people are making on you or the world is making, or you make on yourself and just do something fun and to try to put something good into the world and hope that it makes someone else's life a little better, so I'm so sorry that your year has been so rough already, but I'm really glad that you're here with us to transmute some of that into something fun, maybe. Yes, yeah, exactly. And I don't know, I feel like no one understands what life is really like fellow romance authors, or our perspective on life, how we live or live, or philosophy on life, I think is so aligned in many ways, there's a kinship there that is very uplifting for me is I like to be here, I just wanna like.

 

0:15:47.9 S2: Well, hug you all. He... There we go.

 

0:15:54.7 S1: Amazing. Well, I will take that group hug to segue into our advice giving, do our work. Okay, so today's letter is from EMI The asshole on Reddit, and we really, really would love to hear more from you listeners, we love doing the... The assholes and stuff. Answer always, yes, but I'm just kidding. I haven't even read it for today, but yeah, we would love to answer your questions, so you should send us all of your questions... No question, too big or too small, you can go on on to my Saiyan mouse, you can go and fill out the form on our website to do it, you can hit us up in our DMs on any of our social media, you can... I don't know. There's probably other ways. Yeah, call Avery. I'm just getting a... You want integration?

 

0:16:47.0 S2: I get a win. My phone rings, I'm like, Oh my God, what's wrong here? Somebody did a real on Instagram or tik Tok and tag this...

 

0:16:55.2 S1: Here's my question, and then I... Tottenham would be so cool. That would be fun. Yeah, we started a tiktok for Dear romance writer at my personal... Best thing I was like, You know, it would be great is to have one more thing that I'm not gonna do it as a... We can started to talk... I convince Cena for you to let me do it that I instantly abandoned and I've never posed to a single thing on it, so you could actually redeem me somewhat in front of my peers, if you would send us some reels or some tiktok about questions. And we'll answer them on our very active Derringer techno page... Okay, for now, and I am not doing my job, let's get to the letter... Okay, Amy, the asshole for ruining Thanksgiving. I, 30 female met my boyfriend, 30 Male three years ago, before me, he was together with his high school sweetheart, they fell out of love and broke up a year later, we started dating his mom, however was still heartbroken about it, I was very understanding and thought she needed time to get to know me. The X basically grew up with them and they saw her as a part of the family for the first year of my relationship, his mom would call me his C's name until my boyfriend got angry once and told her to be nice, she...

 

0:18:16.1 S1: The mom laughed it off and said it was just a habit. After that, she started calling me... Yeah, after that she started calling me the wrong name, Janet, instead of Jenny, fictional names, just for the story, I corrected her a couple of times, but she seemed to like hurting me, so I ignored it later. My boyfriend has two sisters, and a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving, we were invited to barbecue at the older sister's house, I was in the kitchen with my boyfriend's mom, the sisters, and one of their husbands, the older sister then talked about how my boyfriend praised my cooking to her husband. And the mom was listening, she said out loud, Sure, why don't we let Janet make the Turkey this year? The sisters giggle and looked at each other and I said, That's a great idea. I didn't tell my boyfriend what happened on Thanksgiving, we went to his mom's house with the usual wine and dessert. She was shocked. Everybody was shocked. I said, What? I thought Janet is bringing the work... Oh my God, a reactor is in real time. And this is the greatest thing I've ever read. I thought Jen is a mine.

 

0:19:26.9 S1: There was yelling, crying, and then we got kicked out. My boyfriend was so angry with me, he hasn't talked to me since... I think it's over TV H, but I still don't think I did anything wrong. Did I... And there are some updates to the letter, but I feel like, do we wanna do it just because I already gave myself away, I think that is fucking fantastic. We should have happened to me and I thought to do it. And I don't think you're the asshole done.

 

0:19:55.1 S2: Well, this whole notion is a estate that didn't bring a church, it was a sunny it, iwata was supposed to bring with her deep only she existed. So funny, okay. The bad part of me finds the hysteria CE or becomes the meanest person you've ever encountered in your life, person is a little worry or either side their sides and desert. It's true, that's true on...

 

0:20:26.9 S1: Of the malicious compliance, I've seen a few posts about it, but this was the Jesus one, I pulled this one, but it's like... In this one, I think... Well, I don't wanna give it away, but when you read the comments, they're kind of like 50-50 usually, this one was pretty one-sided, but it's like 50-50 where the people were like, Oh, you shouldn't have done that.

 

0:20:45.8 S2: I think we had Milt year where someone...

 

0:20:49.1 S1: Yeah, it was the boyfriend who had weaponized and competence and he got bleach all over her black dress, and then she went to his family's house and he was horrified and she was like, What, you tried your best? Yes, I love it.

 

0:21:05.4 S2: I don't know though, I'm actually really tore. I'm really torn on this one... Okay.

 

0:21:11.1 S1: Hit me, hit me with both sides of what you're thinking...

 

0:21:15.0 S2: Okay. Both sides of what I'm thinking is on one hand, and the mom is evil, okay, there... I can't say that these people are from the Midwest, but this feels very Midwest to me, having grown up there... This is very passive aggressive. All of it. Everybody is very... Passages is right. And I'm sure that the comment that the sister made about, Oh yeah, her cooking was so good was actually not... That her cooking was so good. That at least that is my interpretation since everybody kind of laughed afterwards and all of this stuff, and I'm like being from the Midwest, that feels so Midwest to me, it's not even funny where people are just very passively mean to other people, so I... Why? I do not take compliments, I used to... Sumerel, this is a story. So all of that, all of that passivity, the name, all of that stuff. I mean, the mom deserve to come up is absolutely. I'm glad that the boyfriend stuck out for her, so all of that sort of stuff. I really hope the D is good because that's a lot to put up with, but... So I get it from the petite of things, how...

 

0:22:49.6 S2: This is a major holiday, the Turkey is the center piece of the meal, even if you don't need it, I take a note banking piece of turkey every year, but even if you don't eat it, but she is not just her actions, Jenny's actions are not just impacting the mother who obviously deserves to come up in... But everyone came to that. Even people who weren't involved. So therefore, her Petty is having a negative impact on absolutely everyone who came, which it sounds like it's quite a few people, especially if the sisters have kids and all of that sort of good stuff. So that is why I am torn if it was just impacting the mother, I would be like, Oh... But it's impacting everyone. So that's why I'm for fair point Preeti feel like how long have they been together.

 

0:23:55.2 S1: Or at least a year to three is for the year. Three years or three years, years. And her boyfriend spoke up once and said, Be nice, oh no, that's... That that's a good point to for years, that is not enough, he didn't take it seriously, maybe like he was complacent in his mom harassing Jenny, it's a deliberate polling type of action that you deliberately committing... I don't think... I feel, I don't know. I don't think it's passive in any way, I think it's intentionally cruel, and the way his sisters reactive where they're just tickling and looking at each other and not caring what any thought, and all of them are having a good laugh. Yeah. None of them deserved Turkey... Yeah, that's what I want.

 

0:25:03.4 S2: Sonorous for years. They didn't correct me either. Yeah, yeah. None of them deserve Turkey, they could figure out how to feed their kids... Make some mac and cheese.

 

0:25:15.8 S1: Yeah, order amputation

 

0:25:18.2 S2: Be right back, sorry guys.

 

0:25:20.2 S1: Are you killing situation? What do you think? So Act's worse.

 

0:25:28.9 S2: It's a case. In your sin.

 

0:25:34.9 S1: I read this and I was like, I don't wanna react. But then I saw that there was an update. I was screaming to the update, so I'm kind of skewed by that, but I totally agree. Three years is a long time to let your mom call your significant other or a different name, and if she's been doing it around other family members and they haven't said anything like, Oh, you know her name, or whatever... All bets are off. It's not like they're gonna starve that night, there's plenty of stuff on the table for them to eat and take, why don't deserve to either over their behavior while they eat the green being cast role. And if it's the Midwest while they eat that yam thing with marshmallows in to... Oh yes.

 

0:26:17.1 S2: Yes. You know what, it's the IEEE Jello salad involved and double eggs

 

0:26:23.9 S1: To know the Antin is delicious. I just don't know if it has a name.

 

0:26:28.4 S2: I know is a sweetener or something like that. Yeah.

 

0:26:31.2 S1: Yeah, yeah. I used to have it for dessert 'cause it's so... So... So we have that with Terry and Sue.

 

0:26:40.4 S2: This is who called Jello with marshmallows and cut up fruit in a cake mold that has a business. I want to embrace it really bad that home, but I always see it then that were having... It's really good, doesn't cotton? Sometimes there's coconut. Sometimes there's not a... Sorry. Okay, so we've taken us completely off with a pin category.

 

0:27:14.0 S1: I have so many thoughts. I think that calling someone by the wrong name, if you just move it to any other context is actively aggressive and racism someone's identity, whether you're calling them the wrong name because it's your son's X's name, that's nasty and says your humanity means nothing to me. You're interchangeable with another woman, which I think is disgusting, and if you think about any other context where you would be mis-pronouncing someone's name, put Missenden into that category, put someone has changed their name and has asked to be called by another name and you're still calling them a different name, you're... In our society, your name is contiguous with who you identify as as a person, and I think that one of the most aggressive things you can do if you have a new person in your life is refused to call them by their name, especially when you've known them for three years, and you obviously don't think that person's name is a different name, like people talk about her all the time, so I think that that is actually one of the master ways that you can say to someone clearly, I don't respect you or your place in my family's life, and you're not welcome here because of course, no one's gonna feel welcome if you call them by the wrong name, mis-pronounce their name, that you call them by a nickname, that they asked not to be called, whatever it is.

 

0:28:46.9 S1: That is saying, so clearly to me, I don't care about you. So to my mind, for three years, her boyfriend's mom has been saying, I don't care about you and no one has put a stop to it, I can't believe that her boyfriend hasn't taken the mother aside and been like, Listen, if you are going to call my girlfriend of three years by the... Right. By the wrong name, we're not to your house anymore, and you're not a... Our lives get it together. Absolutely, her boyfriend. She stuck up for her. If the Sisters, the boyfriend's sisters are laughing about this and not going to bat for her either, that mom is like super power wielding in the family and they are not willing to get involved or they don't like her either, and are kind of participating in it, or they just decided to mean girl it, in any case, it's so rude. And I think that the fact that this girlfriend, Jenny has been going to things at this family for three years and not done something like this before, she's like a saint and has really been trying to make it work, so I think like step number one, she used to talk to her boyfriend because he is not getting it done, it's so inappropriate, you do not allow your guests that you bring into your family's home to be disrespected by someone like...

 

0:30:02.9 S1: Absolutely not, but it sounds like this has gotten to such an extreme point that now Jenny is thinking of it as kind of absurdity, she's like, Well, you don't care about me, no one in this family really seems to care about me, I like my boyfriend, but he's not even sticking up for me, 'cause at the end, she was like, I think it might be over, 'cause their boyfriends, so made her for doing this with the Tractate.

 

0:30:24.9 S2: Okay, so Ron, you gotta read out loud the last update, 'cause I'm really proud of her other team Oiler queen.

 

0:30:35.7 S1: Before I read it for myself, I just... I think that what you said, Avery, about her not bringing the turkey affects everyone... I actually think that's why it's a perfect response, because the mom not calling her by the right name should affect everyone too, that effects... If you're calling your child's partner by the wrong name, you're also saying to them, I don't respect your choices, I don't respect the person you love, any kind of rejection like that. If my parent ever did something like that to my partner, they would be doing it to me too, and I would not have it, and so I feel like this boyfriend is not... Okay, in societies...

 

0:31:17.9 S2: Sorry to go ahead to

 

0:31:20.4 S1: The fact that she didn't tell him about what conspired and she did this on her own, shows that she already doesn't trust him, or he is... Response would be like, Oh, I do, yeah, exactly. So

 

0:31:35.0 S2: She knew that he's not gonna be on her side.

 

0:31:37.6 S1: So is there anything

 

0:31:39.3 S2: I... YouScience Meeteetse, I am now fully on over... You persuaded me.

 

0:31:48.1 S1: Can we talk about the power of a name? There's power in having a name, having someone's name, and I changed my name when I was 17 for reasons, and there are still people in my family who refused to call me by my first name, they call me by my old name, and they do it in moments where they want to hurt me, it's not like like, Oh hey, whatever. It's like they're angry. And so they throw that name at me because they know that I don't like it, they may not know why, but they know that it's a point of pain, so the fact that she's doing that, she knows that she's causing if not paying discomfort and dismissal and whatever. Her point is to be harmful, and so I don't have any... Yeah, to be little someone, to make them feel this small... I think that is cruel. It's just cruel. I totally agree. Okay, so she... Ahead of her. Oh good, okay. The update, yesterday I was at a party that both boyfriend and I planned to go to pre-war or being the Thanksgiving situation, he showed up and he hugged and kissed me and we spent the evening together, he asked me if I could go to my place afterwards if we could go to my place afterwards to talk and I agreed, he told me that he wasn't mad about what I did, but about the fact that I didn't tell him and he looked like an idiot because of it...

 

0:33:13.4 S1: I apologized again, I told him that I don't think that I could want to make amends with mother-in-law ever, and that I was not sure if that's what I want for my future, she's a great grandmother to my sister in last children, but will she be the same with ours, when she obviously does not and will not like me, I also told him that I can't be with someone who would ghost to me for two to three weeks when he's angry with me. Oh my God. So we broke up, I'm sad because I love him very, very much, but this is probably for the best in the long run, many will say the mother-in-law one, but I was never in a competition with her, she can think she won because I don't care and at least now she'll start using my name when addressing my boyfriend's best girl.

 

0:33:50.9 S2: And I think this was really good, and I understand maybe she should have told the boyfriend, but his reaction to being mad about her not telling him is not so I could be more supportive or so we could come up with a plan together. So all of this is... You made me look like an idiot. Yeah.

 

0:34:12.5 S1: And I think you're right, and that's the most I know she has known that she couldn't trust him, and I think that the impulse of who you tell or don't tell important things to tell you everything that you need to know about it, to your life are not there. And I think I agree with her that this was for the best, because you can't be with someone like that to be your life partner when they... You know, they don't have your back when you have to be wary of... Will he use this against me? I mean, I don't think you can live a life time with something like that... I totally agree. And if they were thinking of having kids or she wants kids with whoever she's gonna be with, then that's just gonna make things harder because then there's gonna be this Allegiance where it's her boyfriend and their kids and the mother-in-law, because if she's a good grandmother then that's great. And then she gets left out and she can't advocate for herself, and there are two more, three more, however many kids they have more like people in the line of fire or who potentially can get hurt, so you're gonna keep calling her or the wrong name in front of her own children.

 

0:35:21.3 S1: Like, my Lord Hanson. Yeah.

 

0:35:24.2 S2: And I just.

 

0:35:25.1 S1: I feel like we addressed this when we got the letter from the person who wrote into us talking about her mother mis-gender-ing her and how painful it was, but I feel like this is not the same issue, but I think like Zeo said, If you give your identity to someone, you say, You can know me and they throw it back in your face, like whatever, in whatever capacity, whether it's carelessness or malice or just a lack of carry enough to try. That person doesn't care about you in the way that they should, or they're not making the effort that they should to show that they care about you, and I think that we think of that as a petty thing or dismissal, but I don't believe for one second that most people are not of updating in their mind what they call someone based on that person's expression and choice and whatever the reason is. And so when people are like, Oh, I just have a hard time. It's habit, which is what the mother-in-law said, I'm like, Mm-mm. No, I don't believe you. You might believe yourself, you might think it's habit, but you know what you do to make new habits as you do it right over and over and we mess it up, you force yourself to do it right again, and if you're not doing that, then you're not trying and if you're not trying, you don't care as much as that person deserves, it was four years between when he rowed up with his X and when these constant years, it's not a habit, you think that was insulting for her to say that and expect and need to believe it, but...

 

0:37:05.7 S1: And it wasn't sincere at all, because if it was habit, she would say the wrong name and then immediately apologize... Alright, bringing up your boyfriend's axis name in and of itself should be modifying 'cause you don't wanna talk about their previous partners... Right. So I mean, no, it's not because it's... Hannan

 

0:37:34.7 S2: Kind of inspired though to do something in a future book. I was like, malicious compliance is gonna be a new Trop.

 

0:37:44.0 S1: Oh yeah, I love it. Well, I think militias compliance is sort of like the tool of someone who's being wronged and knows they're being wronged and cares about punishing someone rather than about maybe shaming them in front of everyone or who doesn't care about them enough to be like, We should sit down and talk about our relationship, 'cause of course, you wouldn't do that kind of malicious non-compliance with your best friend because you would just sit down and be like, Hey, something's fucked up, we gotta talk about it, but if you're at the point where you're doing that with a partner, a friend. A mother a lot, it's because you've gotten to a point where you can... As record, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought it was a... Just earlier in the update, when she said that the mom kicked her out and he got angry with the mom and said he was leaving too, but then when they got back home and she explained what happened, he got angry and left, she answer up big by herself and she said she had pizza or something, I think she said she had a... Awesome, which is a great solution because we should stop celebrating Thanksgiving all together because it is horrible.

 

0:38:55.1 S1: Yeah, yeah, that's a whole different episode. But yeah, I repositioned

 

0:38:59.6 S2: Still have the marshmallow yams. Yes.

 

0:39:03.0 S1: We can make them on a a... You want to in... Make them for anyone. Any day of the year

 

0:39:07.5 S2: Is a year that whatever those custard filled buns were... Yes.

 

0:39:13.6 S1: Yeah, yeah. I'll have one at that were done. I'm seriously hungry. Back when we did recipes into every time every time I'd be like, I just ate, but now I'm hungry because she just talked about something delicious. Yeah, and thank God we stopped having me do recipes before I was here, because if you asked me what the last thing that I cooked was... It was disgusting. It was like three-day old bagel with butter, and I'm sitting on a floor drinking coffee out of a solo cup, so don't ask me What's a cook... You're going back to college life... Yeah.

 

0:39:52.5 S2: You live at glamorous life on... I was just gonna mention, I did the Harlequin books and cooks episode too. So I saw your episode. It was Macintosh.

 

0:40:07.1 S1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Guess what? I had what? Locale, so I had to handle

 

0:40:15.0 S2: Lobster Tales, boil it to packets it.

 

0:40:20.5 S1: Oh my goodness, that is so

 

0:40:22.3 S2: I don't know what it attitude supposed to come up with my books, I probably could talk about it. Awesome.

 

0:40:27.5 S1: Yeah, yeah, it's so fun.

 

0:40:29.9 S2: But I love that the recipe was a huge hit, and my 14-year-old was like, Mom, you have to move you to go, and

 

0:40:35.7 S1: So I...

 

0:40:36.8 S2: Wines a taste for lost or rules night are delicious. They are... One was like, Yeah, I won't say anymore.

 

0:40:47.6 S1: What is awesome 'cause now I was a role and Manchester there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright, so for our chat today, I keep coming across these things, this is what I do now, I can process an article about grinder, because you don't know, grinder isn't a hook-up app, but they're now allowing people to use pictures of their bars as their profile photo which the comments on that were just Arius, but it made me think, 'cause you were romance authors, we're always talking about the meat cut and what a love interest, what they're attracted to with each other, physical or whatever it is. So I was curious, I wanted to ask you guys what is the first thing that you notice about someone, if it's a platonic or romantic, no matter what it is, but is it their voice? Is it their eyes? It's their hands. What is it that you guys see first on both sweating already, so... Also, I'm now, I wish that as authors, we would start using our naked ass as our author pictures. No, nobody wants to see that. Not

 

0:41:50.6 S2: As a bottomed was number. Thank you. Mean.

 

0:41:57.4 S1: No one might wanna see our faces either, I'm just saying...

 

0:42:01.7 S2: Thanks for one. I'm on a right now. Yeah.

 

0:42:04.3 S1: I wanna see your face. And you're asked if that help in my response to this is that I love a good ass. So that sounds great to me. It's definitely not the first thing I noticed, but it's the last thing I noticed, I guess it's not a win away. I love Voices, I'm a big voice person, I'm obsessed with teeth, like you could show me just the teeth of anyone that I've spent more than a couple of minutes with and I can identify them for you by their team... Everything just covering her mouth, and I look... And I don't know if I like someone, I really like all of them. So there's not a single thing that I wouldn't be able to find some attractive cop-out answer, but I met my husband 23 years ago, so I don't know what it's like to see someone and feel any romantic interest.

 

0:43:16.0 S2: Yeah, maybe I do it like subconsciously. Yeah.

 

0:43:19.8 S1: What about just pure animal sexual desire, right? Atomic ally. To a new person, when I need a new person, I want to feel safe. It's this odd... Can I say, Laura, when I meet someone, there's a body language, their expressions, it's like, this instance, gauge, is this person harmful or healthy? I shouldn't do a snap judgement on the person, but I think that we do...

 

0:44:05.4 S2: That's what I ensconced. We do.

 

0:44:07.2 S1: And then...

 

0:44:08.1 S2: And then the me that they need is different based on my inhaler, that person knows, so I could be super professional or whatever, and bubbly, and not people who meet the genuine me with me, this goofy of everything, but I don't know, goofy. Me is the most me, but I'm not like that with a lot of people. So you guys are it? I'm like, No, I alarming and I being last week, so it's just like... That's great. I think I was really cute. You look at thinking than I think a lot

 

0:45:06.8 S1: That you... Thank you. So sweet, always am attracted to unusual eyes, hands like on a is a big thing, but I think for me, I wrote a scene one where someone's first interaction with another person was hearing them laugh from across the room, and I was like, Yeah, that's a thing that I do, if someone has a really great laugh, like a really genuine LA, I wanna know what tickled them and you know what I mean? That's like a nice little intro point, but yeah, physically it's like eyes and I guess hands and things like the pay or whatever, normal stuff, but the last of realized, a lot of my favorite actors are ones like Alan Rickman who have these really incredible... So average thing, but if they have that voice, it just choose them from a seven to a 10, like immediately, if they have that point, Oh my God, can I do anyone on Alan Hallman? That's what you just said on Michael win cot, who was one of my favorite voices of all time. I don't know what

 

0:46:18.4 S2: That

 

0:46:18.6 S1: Easy... You will know him when you find... He's been in so many things. He's a Stainton

 

0:46:25.8 S2: My phone right now, Hancock.

 

0:46:28.3 S1: He's like A W-I-N-C-O-T-T. He's a very tiny Canadian man, a commanding... He does a great Boatswain in the crowd. He was sort of the leader of the Batista images up.

 

0:46:51.1 S2: If you see him, you know him.

 

0:46:53.3 S1: Yeah, he's been in lots of things, and I just think he was one of the most amazing voices of all time, he was a guy of Gisborne and the 1991 Robin Hood of the state as a Sysco cousin. Anyway, his voice is amazing, and I just wondered, as a Mira... Like on Tumblr, I was on tolerant there much anymore. But I remember when the Cumberbatch is neurath fan, they took over to recover, and I think he's a fantastic actor, he also has very unusual eyes, which are like... But I just, I wasn't like, Oh, Petit, I heard him do a reading, I forget of what it was, and it was in my ears and I was like, Oh my God, wow, that voice, and then he went in from a 7, adani was like This just... I don't know something about the place... Yeah, him as Smokey gosh do

 

0:47:51.6 S2: Jersey the rehearsal. Yeah, I saw him doing the boys, he's Croatians.

 

0:47:59.4 S1: Amazing, so

 

0:48:00.2 S2: Amazing. You know what I find really amazing about all of this... Sorry. To us. Okay, I think this is very JC. Not knowing you super well. I won't comment on you, but I'll call out on and because Ron is very whole person-centric, I absolutely everything, right? So to me, it is not surprising at all that that room, so not all over the place, but all over the place. Cuatro has not just the background in music, but also the background in acting, and being able to use your voice as a tool is super important in both of those, so I am completely not shocked, I am completely not shocked by her view...

 

0:49:01.1 S1: Yeah, that makes sense to me as I can never pronounce her name. And I feel so bad her first name is short, but she plays Christiana on the expanse, which is a scion Amazon is the area trying that show. She plays like the political leader or she has... I can't even describe her voice, it's so raspy, and so I know who you're talking about, I know I'm talking about... And it's just, I watch her in anything, I don't care what it is, so I can hear her speak, she just... I just watch an interview with her and I was just like... Keep talking, please. Oh my God. Incredible. Incredible inattention.

 

0:49:50.7 S2: That's my... No, I would say a little bit of everything that all of you said, absolutely, but also I think... I am not we... I think I am the least Lee out of the three of us. So I am not, but there is something about a person's Vive because like JC, I have been with the same man for 182 million years, so I'm like... Even if I dream... Even in my dreams, I'm like, Oh, she, I'm married, I am that married. So for me, when I meet somebody new, a lot of times it is sort of their... Right, and as an extrovert, when the I... Me introverts, which happens a lot at reader conferences, a big thing for me is trying to dial back a little bit so that I can actually get the person's life, because a lot of times introverts just go and like their... Say FEMA, it took me a long time. In many, many years to realize that that is not, I hate you, I wish you would go away. Sometimes it is, but it's not always that. So I try and really pay attention to somebody else's vibe when I first meet them, but the thing that really gets to me and rotor...

 

0:51:16.3 S2: A perfect example of this. So we've known each other so long, I don't even remember when we met. So I can't even go there with you, but I means we were at a conference together, and Ron has a great sort of solid confidence, VI to her, it's not loud, it's not showy, but it is very... Prepares, thank you. That's very present. And so that is the kind of thing that I like, and it doesn't always have that gets me to focus in on somebody, and it doesn't always have to be like I'm super centered like this... Sometimes it's like, I'm that life of the party thing. But that sort of confidence line always gets me physically, the first thing I will notice is what somebody's learning, because I look at closest armor, especially at a professional event. Especially at a professional event. So I will always look at that because I think you can tell... You can get a lot of clues about a person's personality or who they're trying to present as a personality, with how they are sort of put together, it's why... I love when you get to fashion blogs and they talk about costuming and shows and what the cost, and designers try and show through their costumes and all that stuff.

 

0:52:37.7 S2: So for me, all of that is like... Yes, yes.

 

0:52:40.4 S1: Yes. I had a friend once who said, people either dress to express themselves or they dress to hide themselves, and I feel like that is you saying they're like armor makes... Reminds me of that can... When you look at the way someone's dressed in that capacity, can you tell if it's expression or armor or both, or what... Flips the dial for you. Where is expression also? Okay.

 

0:53:12.6 S2: This is really stereotypical, but I would say sort of the more flashing you are, you know, and not flashy, like I'm hearing something expensive or something really loud, but you can tell it's put together a Curtin that Curt. Thank you, that's a perfect explanation of it curated sort of goes to show that more confidence because they put thought and effort into all of that, and then... So for me it's like that, but I don't know, I haven't really thought about it, that fareham bias, I have bias, so I just kind of assume that everybody else is like me and they're putting together because they're trying to put that presentation together, decided themselves like JC said you don't always get to see the person right away. So that rotating side of themselves that they're presenting out...

 

0:54:06.3 S1: I used to work in fashion, and I know I worked in an area where there were buyers and designers, but also inventory people and IT people, and there were people on the non-fashion side of the business who would deliberately dress down sneakers jeans for holy t-shirt when they came to work and the people on the buying side, we're just always in these really unusual outfits and really just come... They're gonna walk on a runway and then there are people in between, like me, some days I would dress up, some days I would trust now, but it was interesting watching these people interact and the people who deliberately went against what the brand was at the company were really aggressive about it. You know what I mean? Like, No, I don't wanna have anything to do with this. I work here, but I don't wanna be part one of these people just... Tennessee really was. Yeah.

 

0:55:00.9 S2: Well, that was a wild conversation... That was kind of interesting. Right, that was a good... Almost at from button grinder. Yeah, that's pretty...

 

0:55:09.0 S1: I would not put my hat on a profile page that's just me, not me either, but I want everyone else to me. Okay, I would totally do it at a set

 

0:55:19.4 S2: Was gonna say, I think you were a... The four of us, I think to most... I don't know, Jonathan, I thought people from showing their boobs on Bourbon Street for Basti, am that person... I've always been that person, I'm no fun.

 

0:55:35.9 S1: That's a losing that all my friends...

 

0:55:38.9 S2: Yes, notoriety, I know. I'm no fun. Let me put it out there. Now, my kids will... You're Bertram, if I had an awesome bottom times some bottom, I might, but gosh, I don't have the self-confidence to say, This is who I am by my... But this is who I am. Behold, my best feature.

 

0:56:15.1 S1: No, hombu bucket.

 

0:56:22.2 S2: I don't know, like this.

 

0:56:24.7 S1: Yeah, I think I would have to be the right kind of picture, but a good teenager now.

 

0:56:32.8 S2: So we're gonna have a logo update on to romance writer. Favorite parts of yourself? Or body parts or whatever. It's like my Leonie, it grows out my left and fingernail is perfect.

 

0:56:53.7 S1: I love it. I love that.

 

0:56:56.4 S2: I citations. Beautiful. And Myrtle, I tell you what, Jesse are finally done with covid and we get to go out in the world again, I'm looking very forward to seeing your left index printing somewhere in a... Titanic, thank you so much for coming and being a part of the craziness that is to your romance writer. We love having you. Please hold up that book again, give us the title, tell us a little bit about what it's about and where we come out, Okay.

 

0:57:39.8 S1: It's called A Song of secrets, and it's the first book and a new series called the Hanoi, and it's about these three sisters who make up a string trio, and the first book is about the oldest sister who's the Cellist, create American main characters, and I don't know, there's something so sexy about classical music and string instruments, and I just wanted to put all that five into the book, and I feel like this book is so... I only say Moody in the traditional sense, but when I wrote it, it was all about the fields. So it's about Second Chance romance, Paulie LaPorte by interfering father, and then it's also about Secret Identity where the hero is CEO and parents don't approve of him and being a musician, but he's a successful composer, anonymous. So here's a stran, a strain of this new PC that and realized that was a melody he wrote for her, he wanted to write her cancer when they were in college, and she's like, Oh my gosh, that's him. So she uses is the informal, I gotta read this.

 

0:59:07.7 S2: Take second chance for a man Secret Identity and blackmail. Yeah, you picked off all the... Right.

 

0:59:16.4 S1: And then at the music in the stream, the challis. Favorite instrument a lot.

 

0:59:20.3 S2: Are you a musician at all, Jay? I grew up playing the piano and then playing the Claret, so music has always been a part of my life. And I'm one of this, this is how I like my one and classical music, I generally know nothing about it, but I know I like it when I hear it or drink it too. Bi think that is absolutely perfect. Are you on social media? Can erosion social media? I am being stubborn and I'm not on tiktok, but I'm on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook. Everything as author. J Clay, I-L-E-E and S come. Oh, website is JCB dot com.

 

1:00:15.0 S1: So great.

 

1:00:17.0 S2: I try to post eye... This is just accepting, you know what, I'm gonna be able to do what I can do, and I'm gonna move along with it, so... Yeah, thank you so much for being a part of this, Jace. Love, absolutely love aviation were the Lieutenant to shampoo any time. Because those of you who are not watching aleksei, really cool. So there you go, OhioGuidestone, thank you so much for joining us. Please send in your analyst letters, you can omit your letters, VR website for romance writer dot com, you can follow us on social media, and if something that way, carrier pigeon, a Grail Do that. If you have any Prescott puppies, so if there's a puppy delivered and has a question, you'll go to the top of a lot, I don't care if I have one. Dogs already. Alright, yes, we will be back at next week, Should we tell them who our guest is next week... Sure.

 

1:01:31.7 S1: Do you have a presentation? Never knew it

 

1:01:34.8 S2: On. I am gonna open it up, or guest this week is the fabulous making Quinton on by next week. We love having you guys at Dear romance writer, so thank you for listening. We hope you've enjoyed our questionable as I.

 

1:02:05.4 S1: Thank you so much for subscribing to Dear romance writer. Remember to keep sending in those letters, I dromore dot com.

 

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